"Huisje-boompje-beestje"

I am not writing this to attack anyone's way of life.  I'm simply writing because sometimes I feel that as a society we try and make people conform against their will, against their nature.  People are so different and are made happy by so many different things.  If I am happy, fine.  I must realize that if I am happy, though, that I don't have to assume that if people are not living like me they are not happy.  Forcing conformity through social pressures is, at it's core, scary as hell to me... and I think it's a weird human trait.

That being said I've found that other cultures have the same sorts of societal cages to put people in a trance of conformity.  Because humans are humans.  Christians, Persians, Jews, Mexicans, Koreans, Mormons, African Americans, etc. all come complete with a set of social norms and phrases to describe them.  One such phrase from the Netherlands that I have been able to relate to my upbringing is "Huisje-boompje-beestje"... loosely translated to House-Tree-Pet (HTP).  Sounds like the ingredients very similar to the American Dream.  Ingredients, for a happy life, right?  From my "extensive" research into Dutch culture I have found that when the term is used it has 3 possible meanings:

1. The most positive is a blissful suburban utopia.  Everything in life is manicured and there seems to be no stress.  The good life.  This does exist for some people... and it's what a majority shoot for.
2. The second meaning is living a bourgeois life.  Not so negative, but maybe not so positive either when you actually think about what bourgeois means.  More descriptively, being bourgeois is to care mostly for the value of property and separation of class in order to secure their supremacy within a society.  Is working to maintain a certain facade really what is considered success in our world today?  Who cares what others think.  External validation is the key to this meaning and that seems a bit scary at some level doesn't it?  To dive any deeper into this use of the word bourgeois within this phrase would be to walk a tight line of being political and that's not what I'm trying to do today.
3. The third way this phrase is used, and the way it was introduced to me, is pretty straightforward: The Boring Suburban Life.  #settling

As happens at least once a year, it seems, I am contemplating my place within society as well as how to interpret pressures applied to me by caring individuals in my life.  I feel loved.  That is a wonderful thing.  Along with that love comes advice and a wanting for me to be happy.  Along with loved ones wanting me to be happy comes suggestions as to the how to be happy, both in my personal and professional life. Having grown up in what I reflect on as a very HTP immediate family, extended family, and community, a lot of the pressures I feel lean towards this lifestyle.

Having the opportunity to live in LA has led me to be surrounded by a lot more selfishness and diversity.  These two things of which I find much more of in the single culture out here have then allowed me to be able to have the flexibility to increase individual growth through self.   I am in an environment which provides pressures that are polar opposite to the priority placed on safety and security of the rural world I grew up in.  Being a person of moderation and sensibility (or so I think) of course my goal is to find self-awareness within the noise.  I want to be happy living what I think is my purpose, and to constantly re-evaluate the realities that have been painted for me so that I may pursue my flow in life without hesitation.  And yes, I also threw up a little in my mouth because of how "Millennial" that last sentence was :)

Below is my internal narrative on each of the ingredients when I think of the phrase.  Basically, it's word vomit:

House.
Do I really want one or need one?  People say, "well, don't you want to pay yourself and not someone else?  Don't I want to have something to pass along to you next generation... Maybe I don't!?"  How do I even know and assume that a house is what the next generation of Michaels want?!  Shouldn't I ask them before I force it on them?  And seriously, people have come from a lot less thn I will likely be able to provide and turned out just fine.  A house is only a house if it's a home, you know?  But a home can be and mean so many different things.  Also, this house thing seems stressful and I've been down that road before... water heater this month, leaky roof next month.  Seems like a lot of money that could be going towards experiences that will maybe help me contemplate and try to understand the world and myself by staring off into the distance in random places whilst drinking coffee and/ or wine and/or scotch.

Tree.
I love them... I hug them...  But is watching one grow the only thing that I have to look forward to?  What if I want to roam around and admire and take care of all the trees I come across?  And also see all the varieties of trees that exist.  After seeing and appreciating the different ones I wouldn't mind planting one, getting it growing in a safe and healthy environment so that it has a great chance at growing and living independently.  Maybe move on and let someone else take care of it.  I may want to take off and see some other things.  I don't want to resent the tree and have to water it everyday.  I want it to be healthy even when I am away.  Then when I return someday I want to see it's progress and be happy and surprised with how it's grown and appreciate it's newness.  But I don't know that I need to own it, you know?  And also, I get it, there's something meditative about taking care of a garden or tree over a long period of time.  Tree's just take so long to grow.

Pet.
This one for sure I want.  This one I get.  They are cute and they snuggle.  They need me... and I absolutely love things that I feel need my help.  But... right now?  Damn.  That would be a drastic change.  You sure you want anything to change?  You are so happy and free in this moment.  Hmmmm, I'm definitely okay with change, in fact I often do better than most with change and maybe change could be good for me right now?  I mean, it has been 3.5 years since I've had any major changes in my life. Does it HAVE to be right now?  Ugh.  Sure, why not?  What's the hold up?  Well, what about traveling?  You don't want to buy a ticket for two... or more on a flight to London do you!?  I guess not, but can't my neighbor watch it?  What a hassle for them, you know how you hate to hassle others.  Think about your freedom... and more importantly your mental freedom!  It seriously would feel so nice to take care of one and have it be excited to see me no matter what when I get home from work.  And it would be nice to have someone or something to think about outside of myself.  As I've already said I do love worrying and thinking about others.  YEAH! but you are trying to change that right now!  Remember!  Think for yourself... they pee on the floor.  They pee on everything!  Fine, no dog.

Don't even get me started on the ingredients together as a whole at this moment.

Listen, I'm not bashing this lifestyle, it's a good lifestyle.  It's just not for everyone.  I have many friends that are sincerely happy in it.  The formula can work.  But I also have friends that are tortured and depressed because the can't understand why they are not happy even though they've achieved the stable life.  Just remember not everything that you think is good, or is good for you, is good for everyone else.  Too often we allow other people to paint a picture of our lives for us thinking that the picture itself will lead to the feelings of HTP meanings 1 and 2.  We don't take the appropriate time to explore and learn how to paint our own picture with our own beliefs and feelings.  Therefore, by closing our eyes to opportunity we have missed the whole point, and risk missing out on life.  That's what leads us to feelings in HTP meaning 3.  The ones I have met that I think are lucky are the ones that realized early on that this cookie cutter "reality" might not be for us and then find ways to break the mold.

We all choose paths.  Even by going with the flow and living in an ignorant bliss we are making a choice.  Each choice leads to a consequence that we think we can predict, but of course each fork in the road leads to more unintended consequences.  As long as we are okay and can move forward with whatever consequences life throws at us then really it doesn't matter how we end up.  For me, knowing that I can't predict the outcomes of my choices, appreciating and paying attention to the path along the way is what's important.  What comes of it will not reflect on my life as a success or failure.  Such terms are infinitely arbitrary and too heavily based on external validation, I think.  Every breath I breathe is a success because it means I'm still here alive and experiencing.

I guess what I'm saying is that I have come to terms that HTP is a phrase I can live with, that I can live in.  Maybe, we'll see I suppose.  What I've realized is much more important, though, is having the freedom of life as an individual human being.  Equally important to me is not caging in the partner of my choosing so that I can be sure the one I love is their own formed person and not just someone trying to appease me and society all the time.  Knowing that individuality within the family of my choosing is a priority and that I will not lie or hide that from potential partners could lead to me being perpetually and maybe permanently single.  The possibility of being the weird member of the family that's just chilling out in CA for the rest of his life in the past maybe would have been a terrifying feeling.  Maybe that terrifying feeling would have then, or did at times, push me to settle in my personal or professional life.  I feel a bit of relief that I am now okay with that possibility, or any possibility for that matter.  Anything is an okay possibility because I am happy first with myself, on my own.  Now I know if I do end up with a house, a tree, and a pet (and a kiddo or two) I will have done so my way.

If you've made it this far thanks for reading a short page out of the "Book of Michael."  I'd like to hear your thoughts :)

Parental Discretion Iz Advised

As I was rolling down the PCH on my way to the beach the other day I was bumping KDAY with the windows down and I found myself in an ironically nostalgic state, reminiscing about my childhood.  Dre and Snoop were on the mic and the lyrics were screaming about nothing but Compton and the "LBC"...

...For some reason the music was connecting my mind to days of riding my bike on Elm St. or around Lake Pulaski.  I had the realization that the songs and sounds that defined my life from 3rd to 9th grade were now defining my late 20's and early 30's because of their revival on the airwaves out here in LA.  Both of these periods were some of the most formative of my life because of drastic geographical moves.  The first period from 3rd to 9th grade my family moved from New Ulm to Buffalo, which might as well have been across the country... this time period was also defined by my ability to buy and trade for tapes and CD's with a brand new group of friends.  The second period, beginning with my move to LA 3.5 years ago, was another time stamp of increased freedom... money to buy a car and pay for gas to sit in traffic listening to this music while driving around making and maintaining a brand new set of friendships.

Childhood Relived
These are the songs that made me think about writing a list.  This is the LA I thought of when I was 11 years old.  The raw and explicit nature of these songs are probably the reasons I never thought this was a desirable city.  In my mind West Coast rap and hard rock were LA... songs about California at-large were beautiful and beach-y... but LA was different.  LA was hard and raw.  When I'm in that angry mood and am trying to compartmentalize and get rid of frustrations (like on days I have to battle the 405) these are my go-to.  Oh, and for those of you that knew me or my parents when I was younger, I owned every one of these albums before I was in the 6th grade.  I think I turned out okay, but honestly, what the hell were they thinking?!

While I condone nothing in the songs I published here, and by no means do they represent my current taste in music, they are the true soundtrack to very important feelings and memories I've had in important times in my life and therefore I like to listen to them... and honestly, who can hold back from nodding their heads to a dope beat by Dre!?!

2Pac- "To Live and Die in LA"

Ice Cube- "Today is a Good Day"

Dr. Dre featuring Snoop Dogg- "Nothin' But a G Thang"

Moving to California Music
Now... to lighten the mood a bit I'll play some non-violent stuff that also bring memories nowadays in relation to LA.  When my girlfriend in residency moved to LA I had no choice but to visit and for the first time truly experience what the city had to offer.  During that year, with me living in the Northern Wisconsin woods and her being out in LA, these were the songs that played in my mind and on my stereo as I thought of the new and real possibility of someday moving away from the Mid-West.  Clearing that sort of difficult mental hurdle was definitely made easier by these tunes.

Weezer- "Beverly Hills"

Beverly Hills was my first introduction to LA.  It is a city that I loved and simultaneously felt like I could never be a part of since it's definitely "...something you're born into..." therefore this song will always have a spot on any nostalgic playlist of mine.

Led Zeppelin- "Going to California"

The melancholy and longing tone of this song and the appropriate lyrics provided a lot of good hours of daydreaming for me as I solo road-tripped across the country in the summer of 2013 on my move from St. Paul to Los Angeles.

Miley Cyrus- "Party in the USA"

"I hopped of the at LAX..."

That's what I was doing when this song was popular.  One of the first things I did when I got to LA was buy a Mini Cooper, which is aptly named... "Miley"

One of my favorite things about living in Los Angeles, maybe, has been driving the cities and streets that so much of American music is written about.  I have always been obsessed with lyrics and have always paid very close attention to my surroundings when driving.  The number of times I have coincidentally been on the street or been driving by the place that a song on the radio is talking about in unfathomable.  And while I don't necessarily think it's that cool of a thing or a reason to be in a city it certainly does put a smile on my face when it happens... which of course quickly gets wiped away when the idiot in the Maserati cuts me off on Sunset.  To live and die in LA...

Power to The Historically Disenfranchised

If you have a short attention span jump to 8:50... but please try to enjoy the honesty of the whole thing.  My favorite comedian of all-time provides a level headed and thought provoking closing to a wonderful set.  Today felt like the demand that Chappelle calls for... a positive movement that will continue to make the american experiment great.

Today was a proud day for me as an American.  Millions gathered together in peace and positivity to celebrate the uniqueness and equality of women.  All around Los Angeles and all over social media I saw nothing but positive messages of empowerment and equality for all peoples.  It was a welcomed burst of love over the interweb following months of negativity flooding the airwaves due to the United States' current political climate.

Seeing all the powerful women in my "community" was inspiring.  Not so long ago, in an age I thankfully never had to live through, women were allowed to speak only when spoken to.  Today they march with pride and solidarity for a better future, doing their best and urging others to do their's to unearth any masked prejudice inklings in our society.  Today felt like a celebration, call to arms, and reminder of the 15th and 19th amendments.  We have come so far.

Today was also a reminder that the work of ensuring equality for all people is never over.  There is never a good enough and there never will be.  We as humans deserve respect and demand equality... and not just on paper.

More, we need more of this.  Good job today, humanity.  Let's keep the conversation going.