"Huisje-boompje-beestje"

I am not writing this to attack anyone's way of life.  I'm simply writing because sometimes I feel that as a society we try and make people conform against their will, against their nature.  People are so different and are made happy by so many different things.  If I am happy, fine.  I must realize that if I am happy, though, that I don't have to assume that if people are not living like me they are not happy.  Forcing conformity through social pressures is, at it's core, scary as hell to me... and I think it's a weird human trait.

That being said I've found that other cultures have the same sorts of societal cages to put people in a trance of conformity.  Because humans are humans.  Christians, Persians, Jews, Mexicans, Koreans, Mormons, African Americans, etc. all come complete with a set of social norms and phrases to describe them.  One such phrase from the Netherlands that I have been able to relate to my upbringing is "Huisje-boompje-beestje"... loosely translated to House-Tree-Pet (HTP).  Sounds like the ingredients very similar to the American Dream.  Ingredients, for a happy life, right?  From my "extensive" research into Dutch culture I have found that when the term is used it has 3 possible meanings:

1. The most positive is a blissful suburban utopia.  Everything in life is manicured and there seems to be no stress.  The good life.  This does exist for some people... and it's what a majority shoot for.
2. The second meaning is living a bourgeois life.  Not so negative, but maybe not so positive either when you actually think about what bourgeois means.  More descriptively, being bourgeois is to care mostly for the value of property and separation of class in order to secure their supremacy within a society.  Is working to maintain a certain facade really what is considered success in our world today?  Who cares what others think.  External validation is the key to this meaning and that seems a bit scary at some level doesn't it?  To dive any deeper into this use of the word bourgeois within this phrase would be to walk a tight line of being political and that's not what I'm trying to do today.
3. The third way this phrase is used, and the way it was introduced to me, is pretty straightforward: The Boring Suburban Life.  #settling

As happens at least once a year, it seems, I am contemplating my place within society as well as how to interpret pressures applied to me by caring individuals in my life.  I feel loved.  That is a wonderful thing.  Along with that love comes advice and a wanting for me to be happy.  Along with loved ones wanting me to be happy comes suggestions as to the how to be happy, both in my personal and professional life. Having grown up in what I reflect on as a very HTP immediate family, extended family, and community, a lot of the pressures I feel lean towards this lifestyle.

Having the opportunity to live in LA has led me to be surrounded by a lot more selfishness and diversity.  These two things of which I find much more of in the single culture out here have then allowed me to be able to have the flexibility to increase individual growth through self.   I am in an environment which provides pressures that are polar opposite to the priority placed on safety and security of the rural world I grew up in.  Being a person of moderation and sensibility (or so I think) of course my goal is to find self-awareness within the noise.  I want to be happy living what I think is my purpose, and to constantly re-evaluate the realities that have been painted for me so that I may pursue my flow in life without hesitation.  And yes, I also threw up a little in my mouth because of how "Millennial" that last sentence was :)

Below is my internal narrative on each of the ingredients when I think of the phrase.  Basically, it's word vomit:

House.
Do I really want one or need one?  People say, "well, don't you want to pay yourself and not someone else?  Don't I want to have something to pass along to you next generation... Maybe I don't!?"  How do I even know and assume that a house is what the next generation of Michaels want?!  Shouldn't I ask them before I force it on them?  And seriously, people have come from a lot less thn I will likely be able to provide and turned out just fine.  A house is only a house if it's a home, you know?  But a home can be and mean so many different things.  Also, this house thing seems stressful and I've been down that road before... water heater this month, leaky roof next month.  Seems like a lot of money that could be going towards experiences that will maybe help me contemplate and try to understand the world and myself by staring off into the distance in random places whilst drinking coffee and/ or wine and/or scotch.

Tree.
I love them... I hug them...  But is watching one grow the only thing that I have to look forward to?  What if I want to roam around and admire and take care of all the trees I come across?  And also see all the varieties of trees that exist.  After seeing and appreciating the different ones I wouldn't mind planting one, getting it growing in a safe and healthy environment so that it has a great chance at growing and living independently.  Maybe move on and let someone else take care of it.  I may want to take off and see some other things.  I don't want to resent the tree and have to water it everyday.  I want it to be healthy even when I am away.  Then when I return someday I want to see it's progress and be happy and surprised with how it's grown and appreciate it's newness.  But I don't know that I need to own it, you know?  And also, I get it, there's something meditative about taking care of a garden or tree over a long period of time.  Tree's just take so long to grow.

Pet.
This one for sure I want.  This one I get.  They are cute and they snuggle.  They need me... and I absolutely love things that I feel need my help.  But... right now?  Damn.  That would be a drastic change.  You sure you want anything to change?  You are so happy and free in this moment.  Hmmmm, I'm definitely okay with change, in fact I often do better than most with change and maybe change could be good for me right now?  I mean, it has been 3.5 years since I've had any major changes in my life. Does it HAVE to be right now?  Ugh.  Sure, why not?  What's the hold up?  Well, what about traveling?  You don't want to buy a ticket for two... or more on a flight to London do you!?  I guess not, but can't my neighbor watch it?  What a hassle for them, you know how you hate to hassle others.  Think about your freedom... and more importantly your mental freedom!  It seriously would feel so nice to take care of one and have it be excited to see me no matter what when I get home from work.  And it would be nice to have someone or something to think about outside of myself.  As I've already said I do love worrying and thinking about others.  YEAH! but you are trying to change that right now!  Remember!  Think for yourself... they pee on the floor.  They pee on everything!  Fine, no dog.

Don't even get me started on the ingredients together as a whole at this moment.

Listen, I'm not bashing this lifestyle, it's a good lifestyle.  It's just not for everyone.  I have many friends that are sincerely happy in it.  The formula can work.  But I also have friends that are tortured and depressed because the can't understand why they are not happy even though they've achieved the stable life.  Just remember not everything that you think is good, or is good for you, is good for everyone else.  Too often we allow other people to paint a picture of our lives for us thinking that the picture itself will lead to the feelings of HTP meanings 1 and 2.  We don't take the appropriate time to explore and learn how to paint our own picture with our own beliefs and feelings.  Therefore, by closing our eyes to opportunity we have missed the whole point, and risk missing out on life.  That's what leads us to feelings in HTP meaning 3.  The ones I have met that I think are lucky are the ones that realized early on that this cookie cutter "reality" might not be for us and then find ways to break the mold.

We all choose paths.  Even by going with the flow and living in an ignorant bliss we are making a choice.  Each choice leads to a consequence that we think we can predict, but of course each fork in the road leads to more unintended consequences.  As long as we are okay and can move forward with whatever consequences life throws at us then really it doesn't matter how we end up.  For me, knowing that I can't predict the outcomes of my choices, appreciating and paying attention to the path along the way is what's important.  What comes of it will not reflect on my life as a success or failure.  Such terms are infinitely arbitrary and too heavily based on external validation, I think.  Every breath I breathe is a success because it means I'm still here alive and experiencing.

I guess what I'm saying is that I have come to terms that HTP is a phrase I can live with, that I can live in.  Maybe, we'll see I suppose.  What I've realized is much more important, though, is having the freedom of life as an individual human being.  Equally important to me is not caging in the partner of my choosing so that I can be sure the one I love is their own formed person and not just someone trying to appease me and society all the time.  Knowing that individuality within the family of my choosing is a priority and that I will not lie or hide that from potential partners could lead to me being perpetually and maybe permanently single.  The possibility of being the weird member of the family that's just chilling out in CA for the rest of his life in the past maybe would have been a terrifying feeling.  Maybe that terrifying feeling would have then, or did at times, push me to settle in my personal or professional life.  I feel a bit of relief that I am now okay with that possibility, or any possibility for that matter.  Anything is an okay possibility because I am happy first with myself, on my own.  Now I know if I do end up with a house, a tree, and a pet (and a kiddo or two) I will have done so my way.

If you've made it this far thanks for reading a short page out of the "Book of Michael."  I'd like to hear your thoughts :)